Our childhood experiences have a great influence on our choice of partner. This may explain why we are attracted to narcissists. In order to build healthy relationships, we need to recognise and break through sometimes harmful patterns. L'Officiel gets to the bottom of the causes.

In Pamela Anderson's gripping <a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/pamela-anderson-documentary">documentary,</a> she shares intimate insights into her personal life, her relationship with her father and her choice of partners. Many of us can identify with her words:
<blockquote>
 From the very beginning I was drawn to different types of bad boys.
</blockquote>
Therapists agree: Our attraction to the so-called "<a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/culture/the-sexiest-men-who-made-history-classes-by-decade" target="_blank" rel="noopener">bad boys</a>" - those who are often viewed as narcissists - is largely shaped by our childhood experiences. So it stands to reason that loving and stable fathers are less likely to raise daughters who immediately fall for the first bad boy they come across.
Of course, every man should be considered individually, but it is easy to understand what is meant by that. <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/soul-spirituality/gaslighting-discover-the-phrases-of-abusers-and-how-to-answer" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Abuse</a> doesn't have to be obvious, physical, or tangible to have a real impact and create harmful, dysfunctional patterns of behavior or support someone who engages in such behavior. This behavior may not necessarily be recognised as <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/soul-spirituality/5-red-flags-recognize-toxic-friends" target="_blank" rel="noopener">toxic</a> or unhealthy at first, but over time it can wreak serious havoc on both the men themselves and the women who date them... and also the men who do are attracted to women. Perhaps a narcissist is born step by step - through baby steps of encouragement. And so their future partners are subconsciously trained to be okay with that. We've learned to excuse such behavior with parental statements like "You have to understand, it's not his/her fault," and ultimately it's considered normal.
Families affect us much more than we think. They program us. "Maybe it's because of how I grew up and how I saw my parents and because of some of the <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/soul-spirituality/venus-retrograde-2023-relationships-zodiac-signs-horoscope" target="_blank" rel="noopener">relationships</a> I've had, I didn't equate love with being nice," continued Pamela. When you're used to being surrounded by abuse, lies, and trauma, subconsciously seek it out because it's the most familiar. The narcissist will repeat this cycle of abuse by creating a trauma bond and setting those hooks.
<blockquote>
 Tommy was so jealous. I thought that was cute and I thought that was love.
</blockquote>
A feeling that many of us can identify with.

Through experiences of abuse, lies, and trauma, you are unconsciously inclined to question whether you are even liked when dating someone who is less toxic and less over-the-top. The perceived lack of passion doesn't trigger the same intense <a href="https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamin">dopamine response</a> that you would experience with the typical narcissist's over-the-top displays of love. This is the very tricky part - not getting attached to this behavior. It feels extremely good, almost like a high, and can be very challenging to break away from. The crazy thing is, when you start to realize you're with a narcissist, you either get more intimate and intertwined because you're not ready to let go just yet, or you just want to run away asap because it's starting to get scary become. But flight alone is not enough. Why? Because the next time you date someone new, you'll be attracted to the same type of person with a different face. It's not just about cutting off the people or person who harmed you, but also letting go of the version of yourself that allowed those things to happen. This realisation is powerful and at the same time requires a lot of work on one's own personality. In order to have a truly healthy relationship with a stable person, you must overcome your own behavioral patterns and habits . Finally , therapy or coaching could have a supportive effect.

Recognizing the RED FLAGS of a narcissist

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