<p>We have a lot of first dates but very few second and third dates. <span>In the search for great love, however, we can avoid some stress and disappointment. After all, dating should feel good and easy. L'Officiel editor Sara Douedari gives valuable insights into the world of dating.</span></p>

<p style="text-align: justify;">I once read a quote that I think of often: "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to." Honestly, just typing makes this feel heavy in my heart. Maybe it's fear or lack of trust (probably both) or I'm just not open enough (I'm working on it - thanks). Granted, I'm still single, so if you're reading this and thinking, "What is she talking about?", please ignore it immediately. But if you find solace in the following advice, use it. As the saying goes, "take what you need and leave the rest" (a generally useful life lesson).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>But back to dating:</strong></p>
<blockquote>
  <p>Practice makes perfect - and if we believe that saying, I should have turned into a gold medalist. Not because I love <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/culture/harry-styles-complete-dating-history" target="_blank" rel="noopener">dating</a> - I actually don't like it at all - but because I've been on enough dates to know what works and what doesn't.</p>
</blockquote>
<p style="text-align: justify;">That doesn't mean that if you follow these dos and don'ts, you'll find your life partner right away. Well, at least the dating will feel less like an interview. Who likes first date interviews?</p>

<h3>It starts:</h3>
<h3 style="text-align: justify;">THE DOS</h3>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">Talk to him before the actual date.</h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>And by "talking" I mean on the phone (old fashioned, I know). Here are a few reasons why:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">1. You hear his voice and if you're like me, the "wrong" voice can quickly become a deal breaker. what if he whispers or pronounce your name in a bizarre way?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">2. You get a feel for his interpersonal vibes. Is he listening? Does he ask questions? Is he keeping the conversation going? Or is he more the type to leave awkward silences filled with heavy breathing? (Don't laugh, this has happened to me and all I could think about was, "This is what he's going to sound like when he's having sex." I pretended I was sick and called off the date - #sorrynotsorry.) Talks he only about himself? Does he interrupt you?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">3. You get a sense of what he's actually talking about, which can be an instant red flag &mdash; or a welcome sigh of relief. If he's talking about how his ex stole all his money and dignity, maybe he needs a good therapist, not a girlfriend. But when he's talking about common interests - a great movie you both enjoy, a book he's reading (he's reading?!), a podcast he recommends -- you'll likely get along painlessly. At least you'll have a decent conversation, and that connection is half the battle.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Drive yourself on a first date.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">It should go without saying, but if you've never met, don't give him your address. There are crazy people in the world. Don't become a statistic. Also, the drive home can be super awkward if he wants a kiss goodnight and you're not into it. Why are you making this so difficult for yourself? And when he doesn't pick you up, escaping a bad date is so much easier.</span></p>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">If someone is setting you up, go on the date&mdash;or at least be open about it.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">If he presents red flags or non-negotiables, don't waste your time. But if you believe that the universe will give you what you most desire, you have to put in the effort: even if it's just to show the universe that you mean business. Still feeling indifferent to the D word (dating of course)? Act like you don't mind.</span></p>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Go online. You're not too good for it.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">This is your ego speaking. Everyone does, which means you're more likely to meet a potential partner online than in real life. Dating is a numbers game: the more dates you go on, the more likely you are to find someone who deserves a second chance (and maybe even a relationship?!).</span></p>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Let go of everything: the baggage of past bad dates, failed relationships, the fear - let go.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Negativity breeds negativity. Be the most positive, optimistic version of yourself, despite the difficulties in past relationships. I won't lie, easier said than done and something I'm still working on. It's so much easier to say, "Every date I go on is bad and a massive waste of my valuable time, so I'm never going on a date again." But that mindset is really my defense mechanism that goes into turbo mode. If I'm serious about finding a partner, how can I expect that if I don't make myself available to the "dating market"? As much as I wish [name of hot actor/actress starring in your current show] would jump off my screen and get in bed with me... that's never going to happen.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"></p>

<h3 style="text-align: justify;">THE DON'TS</h3>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">DO NOT portray yourself years younger (or thinner) in your online dating profile photos or use photos from a decade ago.</h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Think about it: you actually want to meet the guy in real life, so sooner or later he'll find out what you look like and it's probably going to be pretty awkward for you pretending to be him.</p>
<blockquote>
  <p style="text-align: justify;">I went on a first date with a guy I met on Bumble and on his profile he had dark hair and a six pack abs. When I met him in person, he had a full head of gray hair and was a good 20 pounds heavier. By the way, I don't mind gray hair - I'm thinking of George Clooney - and I wouldn't have cared if his profile was correct. But being blinded like that? No. Just no. The same goes for us women. The prom photo is no longer enough. You are older - and wiser - accept it! Building a relationship on lies? Good luck with it.</p>
</blockquote>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Don't make dinner dates.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Are you a masochist? Or why then did you agree to an invitation to dinner with a man you have never met? That's at least an hour and a half of your life that you're giving away to someone completely unknown. A coffee or drink allows just enough time to find out if you get along at all. If so, you can simply extend the meeting to dinner. If not, you don't have to make up a white lie and pretend your cat ran away and you need to get away quickly. The date is over with one drink, and you only lose 30 minutes of your life in total. That's just a single episode of <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/culture/series-like-halston-netflix" target="_blank" rel="noopener">your favourite Netflix series</a> - you can live with that.</span></p>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Don't date during the day unless you are 100% sure about the daylight situation.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">It might sound ridiculous (and it probably is), but we're scared enough about the first date without freaking out about the light. Daylight doesn't discriminate: The reality is that daylight is harsh for 90% of people over the age of 23.</span></p>
<blockquote>
  <p style="text-align: justify;">A male friend told me that he meets beautiful women on Tinder, but when he goes out with them, they don't look anything like their retouched profile pictures. So he strategically started setting up daytime dates to see how they look in natural light (rude, I know &mdash; he's not my boyfriend anymore, by the way). His comments ranged from "She wears too much <a href="https://www.lofficielibiza.com/beauty/brown-shade-m" target="_blank" rel="noopener">makeup</a>" to "She has a lady's beard". This kind of fits with the first point - changing your appearance so drastically that he doesn't even recognize you. So if you can't accept your insecurities and show who you really are, why should he? Also, remember, light really is everything, so choose a spot with the right light that makes you look your best, even in the evenings.</p>
</blockquote>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Don't talk excessively on a first date.</span></h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">He doesn't need to know your entire life story, including your school play role as Pummelfee or that failed threesome when you were a student. You should save that for your therapist. When it comes to dating, especially on a first date, less is more. And let him have his say. Ask him questions, listen, show interest and empathy . I understand that dating is nerve-wracking and that nervousness can lead to uncontrolled talking. But it's a great life lesson. <strong>As the Dalai Lama aptly said, "When you speak, you are repeating what you already know. But when you listen, you can learn something new." BOOM.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"></p>
<p></p>

<h4 style="text-align: justify;">BOTTOM LINE: Make him want more - more conversation and more of you.</h4>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Don't take it personally: the rejection, the discouragement, the disinterest. It's not about you - it's about him and his own problems. Let's face it, whenever someone says, "don't take it personal," I'm taking it personally because I'm human and I'm my own ally (person + ally = personal). Say, if it happens to me and I feel triggered, I'll defend myself. But when it comes to dating, I really try to put it down. <strong>Someone once told me, "When you go on a date, it's not about whether he likes you, it's about whether you like him."</strong> Basically, you turn the tables - and take back your power. Most likely it will be - if he's not on your wavelength, neither are you. So don't take it as a personal attack. Instead, remember, "The rejection of a man is the protection of the universe." You've just avoided a lifetime of unhappiness. Thank God.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The last piece of advice I always give myself: If he's totally my type, then he's not the right one - because obviously that's not exactly what I think I want to do. My "picker" is definitely wrong and that's fine. Acceptance is the first step to change.</p>

<p><span>Born in 1987 and grew up in Berlin. She studied media studies and marketing, lived in Paris for many years and works, among other things, as a freelance author. As a passionate storyteller, inspiring personalities, artists and visionaries are totally her thing.</span></p>

Dating in check: The DOS and DONT'S

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